ThE CoMeDy CoNtiNuES

Current Mood: sick

so i am back for more, i have been doing the whole myspace thing and i dont know which one i like better.

Ask me what i am doing right now? Cutting work, clocked in at the pool and going back to clock out at 8. i know it sounds bad but whatever, i dont feel good.

Current Mood: gloomy

just got back from the stressful vacation of Panama City '05.i feel like i am having with-drawl or something, the lack of alcohol in my sysetem is depressing me. I am back here in the real world which sucks.I got my eye brow pierced, so basically my dads gonna rip it off when i see him tomarrow.I just keep thinking about this trip to panama and how diffrent it is from the last one. It was chill i was with my best friends, warm climate, i met this guy that is just plain histarical, i didnt go out 1 night, not one. The kappa sigs were fun, i probably havent laughed so hard in my life. We lived in a condo for eight, yet managed to squeeze 14. Every night i was up till like 5 am laughing. I had the best day of my life drinking with the girls, going to a "hot tub" in a hotel room, bonging beers in the hot tub, and laughing with my GENERICS. Last time i was in panama for spring break, i was a jr. in high school i was staight edge and first started drinking, its been down hill ever since, seriously.Within a week i was so hammered i couldnt remember my name or where my bruises came from. i was scared to go back to school because i knew every one was talking about my drunk ass...  This year was good clean fun.

 Its thursday and i am back already, i called my dad to tell him i was on my way home he asked me if i was ok, why  was i coming home early from spring break? Like he was shocked i wasnt hammered or something ? Yet for some reason i dont feel good, i am exhaused, and my mind crazy. I am coming home with a bar though my eye brow and a sun blister on my lip, but lucky for my dad last year i came home in a wheel chair "surprize" so we can say this is a little better. I probably gained an extra 10 pounds, lost my voice, and my phone to the tsunamii from hell (may it rest in peace.) I dont want to go back to school, i am sick of it man. I am going to have to change alot of things in my life next week.

Current Mood: touched

Happy st. pats day! I woke up this morning in a home that i didnt know, with my roomie and i was sleeping on the floor man! after sobering up and showering i read an email from my dad. I started being the emotional basketcase that i am ( what the hell is wrong with me) and just thinking about how lucky i am to be alive, go to school, to be a KD... I have lost tons of people in my life, and i never got the chance to tell things i should have. SO if you are reading this, thanks for being apart of my life.I wrote my sisters an email for no reason to let them know how much i love them, because they are the family i have always wanted but never had...
I love knowing I have a family in KD.
I love going out to a party and noticing that its not the "cute" boys
i look forward to seeing, any more...
I love knowing that WE were hand picked for KD
I love knowing that we were sisters by chance, friends by choice.
I love knowing that no matter how hard i try to hide my feelings some
one knows some thing is wrong.
I love the fact my favorite college memories involve KD.
I love knowing that when i go home, people dont understand what it is
to be a KD at wku.
I love knowing that i have some one to laugh with, raise hell with,
and cry with.
I love knowing that if i am in trouble, i have a sister to call.
Its my roomie's b-day i went out with her last night... and wow this morning is nuts. I drunk dialed and feel kinda silly for it! some times i need to look around me and realize and appreachate the thing i take for granted.

Current Mood: sick

I am at home right now, and it is a slow hell. My poor mom is clinging on to me like a leech because she has nothing in her life, it is beyond depressing. I dont feel comfortable here, in my own home? Isnt that wrong ? I cant stand it i am never coming back here, I should always stay in Bowling Green! I am just overly stressed because i have been so sick. I have had the flu and a fever of 102. I miss being able to go to class ( liking it,) having my room clean, a working computer, and getting drunk with my sisters. I miss it all so much! Right now i am so pale the tanning beds followed by spring break are SCREAMING my name. If i werent so weak i would go right now! I just want to get through this week then i will be ok.

The more i think about school though the more confused i get, because i dont know what to major in. I dont want to give up my dreams, i dont want to just be average, but i cant be a theater major any more. I dont want to have classes with all the theather kids anymore, so exclusive they are, and i am sick of it. I cant wait to get all my classes out of the way. I am really looking forward to next semister, new classes, new place to live, rush! I guess i am looking forward to starting over, again.

Current Mood: Lost
Current Music: addicted

He still haunts me.... Every where i go, my thoughts, my dreams, my social events. no matter what i am on my guard and i hate it. I just want him to be out of my life, i wish i never met him.

My mind works faster than my fingers and although it might not make any since who i just need to vent a little:Because of you is my new favorite song. Its my life, i didnt like kelly till now...

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life. My heart cant possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start with.                                                     Because of you i try to just forget everything, because of you i dont know how to let any one elese in, because of you i find it hard to trust not only me, but every one around me. Because of you i am afraid.

My life is so messed up right now. I havent slept in my own bed for nights, i havent had more than 4 hours of sleep since i dont know when. I am writting this to remember where my life has gone this week: Wednesday night: my roomie and i got hammered and went to sae dodgeball, then to beer pong with one of my bigs. after after party at sarah beth/rosie/katie's house. I walked there from the sigma chi house, alone. Shannon passed out on the couch.Thurday: some one is in shannons bed when i wake up, thank god it was her. On the way to class we decided we were still drunk and went to eat instead. I went to one class, my roomie went to Canada. Its paiges birthday! Met up with her, went to step.( Andy was there i swear he haunts me, i cant get away from him, honeslty i just cant figure it out,  every time i see him it ruins my day. He said i left him a message from the night before)..Then  had a party in the DWAIN and then went to SAE party where Paige and i ended up shacking elese where.Friday: Paige picked me up, i did the walk of shame to her car.We went to the Sig Ep cook out, then SAE party where 10 kegs and 1000 people werent a good combo, i got to climb on the beer stage! I saw Lance whom I havent seen in forever was great, till i saw ryan and blew him a kiss. I guess that was a mean gesture? I didnt mean for it to be but he didnt like it since i was talking to lance? i dunno how that goes. As we start to leave guess who has to come in... Andy. with the girl that pref'd me at adpi, if i didnt know him i would thing that he isnt that cute really. For some reason, i dunno i guess its the risk factor. I drove Moyer and Chachie to rosies. Every guy apprently continued the try to grab/slap my ass game, which i had enough of ALL night! I got a little violent towards the end of the night. Started taking shots, ryan kept calling me and  some dude answerd the phone, i think that he is really pissed now.Never seen Casigrande so hammered before, wow... Lance had a tramatic night with his roomie so he  picked me up and i stayed with him.Saturday: Lance had to go to work at 8 am, convient. I went to the dorm and took a shower cleaned the dwain and then it was dads day. After my sister bitched me out and ripped my heart out i had to get her, she lost her keys in my room and the car was parked here still.  I was crying and she says " are you gonna get ready, you usually do your hair and make up" so i start to cry even more. I have spanish voice mails from ryan, i think it says fuck you. Great I suck!

Current Mood: crushed

Its deffinitly cats and dogs here, i feel so low right now. Almost everything that could go wrong is...

1.My family is falling apart

2. I got a progress report telling me i am gonna fail

3.Spring Break is comming up in two weeks and i weigh what i did my sophomore year in high school. (Not good at all i was fat.) I have 0.00 dollars to my name and i owe for spring break and the cost of food to go. It sux to be the ugly and fat duckling of the group.

4. Its paiges and Amelia's birthdays this week, I usually make my gifts but once again money comes into play being that i have none. I cant buy materials and even if idid i dont have a car to take me there.

5. My sister called me yesterday to tell me i dont do anything. If i did any more my head would freakn explode! If spirit chair, merchindizing chair, and photographer assistant, spring sing, and intermurals werent enough plus school then go ahead and shoot me, because i might have time to relax. See thats the thing that bothers me, i am never good enough for my family or any one elese for that matter. I cant stand my family, I dont want to do any of this for them i want to do it for me, so i am not like them. Just cant i live my life, i would be so productive if they would just let me be myself honestly. I know I am not the golden child i never have been, i just want to live my life and not be distressed over how my family would feel about it.

6. I dont like going out any more, i hate guys trying to feel all over me or dance with me, seriously i just wanna get drunk and laugh about shit, you dont meet guys your gonna date a parties, you just dont. Apparently what i hear is that half of guys on this campus have told lies about me. Apparent a guy who wont talk to me any more because i wouldnt have sex with him told his whole frat at the begging of the year i did. Therefor i know why everytime i go to their parties everyone is mean to me. They dont respect me, and i wouldnt either if i slept with his dumbass, but the sad thing is i didnt and i have to suffer for making the right decsions. Guys ruine everything, i am over it. I came to college to get away from boys, why do they always find me?

I am my own worst enemy and it dosent change anything when people say i am too hard on myself, if i was harder on myself i wouldnt have all these problems in my life that suck. They would be fixed, taken care of and not an issue. I am not even a control freak. I DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER... I cried myself to sleep last night till my roomie overheard me and go out of bed to talk to me, i love her. She is the best roomate in the world i am so lucky to have sister like her!

 Being stranded on a desert island wouldnt be that bad, honestly. If any one knows a cruise ship that has the fate of gillians island, sign me up.

Some fields you might consider going
in when you are older...Judge, author,
songwriter, producer, therapist, psychologist,
philosopher, or forensic scientist. You need a
job where you can express yourself and your
views on life. Or you need a field where you
can judge others and predict what is going on
in others life. Either way... you have the
personality to get you a good job that will
support you throughout life.

What type of teenager are you?
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Current Mood: sad

3 weeks ago i warned him, "dont get involved, trust me. Quit now!"Go me, first boyfriend lasted for almost 3 weeks... Last night he (drunker than all hell) walked 2 miles to see me, and poured his heart out to me. As nice of a gesture as that is... I cant handle it, it hurt me so much what i have done to this poor boy. He cried, and told me how much i meant to him. I do care about him, i love him to death, but i cant be in a relationship with him because i am going to destroy him, because i suck. I know what its like to feel like shit and be totally broken and i dont want to do that to him. I am in too deep so i had to break things off. I cant handle those types of feelings right now i dont have time for it. Call me selfish or stupid or even a bitch, i hate that he cried to me it breaks my heart. i am sorry. boys never listen!